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Sunday, December 2

All Star Holiday Dessert Battle Review

I don't mean to be mean, but...

Hmm... I got about six, if you count both sides.

This multitude of fleshy fantasia must be a precursor to the battle's secret ingredient: SUGAR! Paula might want to lay off it a bit, but I guess it's the holiday season so just roll with it, girl!

As you all probably know, Paula Deen teamed up with Iron Chef Cat Cora in a battle against Tyler Florence and Robert Irvine (Team Tybert).

Tyler was pretty calm throughout the entire battle, only showing some sweaty signs of agitation toward the end. Still... he never lost his cool.

I love how Cat Cora always works her ass off during every Iron Chef. She's always got some huge whisk, spoon or knife flying around at 100 mph. Sexy!

Robert Irvine quickly stripped off his chef's coat to reveal that kinda-freaky torso below.

Oh, and Alton just tried to make it through the show without pointing out too much that Paula was using processed cheese food and that Robert Irvine seemed a little more interested in flirting with Paula than cooking.

Paula is really starting to kind of scare me. She used to be a sweet granny from the South. Now, what with all this kissing on the lips of every man she encounters and joking about Robert stripping, she's become something very un-grandmotherly. I don't know... that cackle and those weird, slurring phrases give me the heebie-jeebies.

One of the best parts of the show was when Paula turned to the camera and said something like: "I'm a fixin' to have a DRANK.... enny minnut!" and Alton, obviously shocked at the odd behavior, just said: "Umm... okay. Do that." It wasn't a pretty moment for Paula.

But besides this moment of humor, there wasn't much that really kept me watching for the full hour. Last year's battle (in which they actually cooked entrees) just had a lot more excitement and truly funny moments. This one just seemed very forced-- from everything Paula kept doing to the zany things Robert kept trying to pull "spontaneously" (although they looked very rehearsed).

The food looked like this:

Pretty yummy all around. Nothing I'm going crazy over wanting to try besides the tarte.

Desserts just don't look as pretty as the regular meals usually do on Iron Chef.

Tina even overdosed on sugar, apparently:

Even Tina Fey couldn't right the wrongs in this special. She just didn't have much to work with. When she did talk, it was funny, though. Please bring her back!

Ummm... without having tasted any of the desserts, it's hard for me to say either way if this was a rightful win. I'm happy for Cat, but sad there was no evil reaction by Team Tybert like last year's:

I vote for a Rachael/Giada REMATCH next year!


So what did you think? Did the right team win?

And who would you like to see battle it out on next year's All Star Holiday Battle?!?!

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At 12/02/2007 6:59 PM , Blogger John said...

Like I said before, this was hilarious, simply from a MST3K perspective and none other. Watching Paula was a wee bit cringeworthy, too.

Just for funzees, I would so love to see Duff Goldman pop up for one of these battles. Of course, his creations take days. But just to see what he came up with. THAT'S it! Duff vs anybody. Also, some other match-ups, just cuz it'd be funny:

*how about the Hearty Boys vs. the Two Hot Tamales
*Sandra Lee vs... oh, that wouldn't be fair to Lee, would it? It's like throwing a puppy into the piranha tank
*Top Chef Season 1 vs Top Chef season... oh wait, wrong network. Wait, they already DID that.
*OOH, her's a thought: the Hearty Boys vs Guy Fieri and Amy Finley! Again, just for the funny factor. Who's the ULTIMATE Food Network Star?

I got a million of 'em. But I'm only serious about Duff.

At 12/02/2007 7:32 PM , Blogger Wendy said...

I'll second that! I would LOVE to see Duff on one of battles. He would be awesome! Nice eye candy, too.


At 12/02/2007 7:53 PM , Anonymous curmudgeonfish said...

I'm sure the whole cookies in the mail seemed like a good presentation idea at the time, but I immediately started calling it "Moose Poop in a Mailbox" the first time I saw it. Not quite what they had in mind, I imagine...

At 12/02/2007 9:40 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I figured out weeks in advance that, to service the "home chef" or to celebrate Thanksgiving/family or something, FN would have Deen/Cora win, very much like that suspect Ray/Batali win (nothing against Batali, but Rachael...There are no words) and that Flay v. Two Hot Tamales "tie." I tried watching this ICA special, but I gave up when I saw the sous chef elf. Once again, nothing against sous chefs, but sous chefs should look like sous chefs and not actors trying to be in A Christmas Story 2.

At 12/02/2007 10:52 PM , Blogger Lys said...

This whole battle had me laughing hysterically. Robert Irvine - he's peculiar *LOL* I thought Cora did great, Paula -eeh. I'd like to see Giada/Flay back and let's pit them against Finley & Symon?

At 12/03/2007 12:31 AM , Blogger John said...

That poor woman in the elf costume!

At 12/03/2007 12:40 AM , Anonymous Greg said...

A few thoughts:
1) Paula's performance was about as spontaneous as Christmas falling on December 25th. Basically she got out the Velveeta for the cheese chocolate thingies and then did her trumpet cookies which she's done 1,000 times before.
2) The Chairman looked cute as a button in this episode with his green tie but sadly, as always, he still comes off as this complete doofus without the slightest knowledge or passion in food. Everything he says is scripted to the nth degree and he is basically this really buff robot.
3) If Paula Deen can come on with Velveeta, why the hell can't they have Sara Moulton on, at very least as a judge, if not a competitor. Or Ellie Krieger. I know this was a holiday show but Paula sort of represented everything that should not be on Iron Chef - You KNEW she was rehearsed as to what she would be making
4) It truly came off as staged and saccharine sweet. I'll bet Cat Cora wasn't thrilled about this - being southern and women is about all these two have in common.
5) There is something about Robert Irvine I just don't like, I can't put my finger on it. He is generall
beefy and hunky but yet somehow arrogant.
6) I would have much preferred a straight Cora/Tyler battle. But it could have been worse, I guess, we could have had Paula and Guy "Fi-ety" on one team

At 12/03/2007 3:51 AM , Anonymous derek said...

Well since Jaime Oliver is on his way back to the network. How about a Nigella vs Jaime cook off. I guess most people wouldnt really want to see that.

really a Giada or Rachel face off would be tops. I mean i know theyve both expressed disdane for doing it again but CMON food network fork over the money to bait them.

At 12/03/2007 7:27 AM , Anonymous Jeff said...

Was that still of AB a video grab from the show? It's nice when he looks so neat. Now, as for Paula's favorite ingredient...I didn't know it was sugar...I thought it was butter!
(Darn it, I missed it...think they'll air it again?)

At 12/03/2007 10:24 AM , Anonymous Gen said...

Dude, I think that this is your funniest post ever!!

By the way, I wanna see a Giada/Ray matchup every year, too!!

At 12/03/2007 10:43 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is apparent you don't watch Paula very often. She was totally in character. She has always been a huge flirt and her shows are full of double entendres. Some of us find that entertaining, and it makes her lovable to us. Would we really want to sleep with her? Of course not. That is why the behavior is more charming than it is threatening.

At 12/03/2007 11:42 AM , Anonymous BD said...

Momma's lips... errrr, I mean... Paula's lips are sweet like tobacco.

At 12/03/2007 11:54 AM , Blogger LowerEatSide said...

I loved this episode... normally I would find an entire Iron Chef episode about sugar, starring Paula Deen, torture... but when it's paired with Christmas I totally accept the sugary sweetness and the processed cheesiness of it all!

At 12/03/2007 1:59 PM , Blogger JordanBaker said...

Ellie Krieger vs. Sandra Lee. Ellie looks like a shoo-in to win, but she can't stop weeping over Sandra's prepackaged ingredients long enough to cook.

At 12/03/2007 7:49 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep shows like this one coming! Kitschy Christmas fun! Puts me in the holiday mood.

Sylvie lejos de la playa

At 12/05/2007 2:33 PM , Anonymous LeeLeeC said...

I have to admit, Paula is killing me lately. Compare her old stuff to her newer episodes... cringeworthy is right! She doesn't seem genuine anymore. She is almost becoming a Saturday Night Live character of herself. I can't even watch "party". It's way too goofy, and I love goofy!

At 12/06/2007 2:30 PM , Anonymous Jeff said...

Must be too many big name stars guesting on "Paula's Party" to suit Leeleec.

I watch the show now and then, and I like it.

At 12/11/2007 7:12 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cute show, exactly what I expected. Tyler looked sexy when he leaned in to kiss Paula..mmm. Robert has teeth that make him look like a rat, like Peter Pettigrew in Harry Potter.

I looove Paula! Actually, I liked all of the "chefs" in that episode.

At 12/18/2007 2:55 AM , Blogger Liz KS said...

I agree about Paula and her cringe worthiness. I love love love her afternoon shows, but I don't like her party show. She's too bawdy and flirts with all the men....no,no,no!! Paula! Two words for you, BE-HAVE! It just don't look right for gramma to behave that way!

At 2/04/2008 6:03 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't believe that cora/deen won, processed cheese fudge sticks!!?? Yuck.
I agree, I would love to see Duff on!

At 12/14/2008 6:37 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey everyone, I watched the show and was really interested in the Candy Cane Cocktail Paula Dean and Cat Cora made. Did anybody happen to catch the ingredients in this cocktail? I've searched food network.com and cannot find any mention of this version of the cocktail.



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