Wednesday, December 12
It's going out to D.C.'s own, Warren Brown-- host of the ill-fated Food Network series Sugar Rush.
Hi. How are you? Gearing up for a busy holiday season? We district residents are always up for a little sweet indulgence. Our scandals are over the top and so are our appetites. Remember, we're not L.A.; D.C. is like Hollywood for ugly people. Those senators can pack on the calories, so don't skimp on the sugar.
But I feel the need to write to you now, Warren. You see, when I moved here, I was extremely excited to think I'd have the opportunity to drop by Cake Love or Love Cafe whenever the moment struck. I'd delight in the seemingly endless assortment of cupcake flavors and tasty treats.
But I gotta be honest: I've never been happy with a cupcake from Cake Love.
I'm not a big buttercream fan, and I'm especially not a fan of refrigerated solid butter cream-- buttercream so hard that you can't even taste the lemon or lime or strawberry or orange or whatever you got in that frosting.
And I know you say to let it come to room temperature, but who has the time for that? This is a tiny little cafe on U St. that sits about 10 people, at most. Any every time I've asked one of your darling employees to microwave it slightly, they refuse!
And that's if they even HAVE cupcakes. The sign says you're open until 11 p.m., and yet at 9 p.m. the only cupcake you got left is something like "mocha on lemongrass" (Not really. Exaggerated for effect. Aren't you letting that dissonant flavor combination roll around in your brain?).
I just don't get it-- this fascination with the $3 cupcake. Every time I buy one I promise to never do it again, only to go back and shell out another three bucks in hopes that this one will be good.
Now your cakes... your cakes are another story. The ones I've tried are great. But, once again, what is a slice of cake there? $9? And don't even ask me how much a full size cake is.
I worry about you, now that your show is defunct. Sorry, but it was boring and didn't really have a point. It was before its time, in a way. The network wasn't quite ready to do a show that wasn't about cooking, and hadn't really figured out what a good option would be. You, sadly, were the product of their indecisiveness.
So, as I continue to shell out my three dollars, hoping in vain that I'll bite into something amazing, I'll be thinking of you. I may not be proud of the purchase, but at least I'm contributing to the only D.C. resident the Food Network has ever known.
Oh... and I'll always treasure this commemorative headshot you had available on your Cake Love counter. Xmas is here early!