Thursday, July 31
The columnist, Bill Mann, starts off by referring to the "hip, bling-wearing" Guy Fieri as a "white Don King." Okay, I can kinda see that, although the "King" reference is long past relevant. It's like doing a Ronald Reagan impression.
The article claims Guy's career is "catching fire" (obligatory food/cooking pun that I hate) and compares Guy's career trajectory to that of Rachael Ray's, only he won't be "one-tenth as obnoxious," according to Mann.
Okay, so let me get this straight: the hip, bling-wearing, white Don King is less obnoxious than Rachael Ray?
Mann finds Guy "quite charming" after speaking to him on the phone, even claiming that Fieri's trademark white-blond spikes of hair "could cause severe tire damage." (Please pause the tape now if you're reading this blog via audio cassette and need to hold onto your sides to calm your fits of laughter. Turn the page after you hear the chime.)
It gets even more painful when he brings up Guy's show, Guy's Big Bite:
"Bite has to be about the coolest food show in TV history. Fieri's just being his own hip-hop self when he says things like 'This is gonna be da bomb' as he puts a chicken in the oven. (An oven which, in Guytalk, is 'kicked up.')"
His "own hip-hop self," you say? How is "da bomb"—a phrase long ago appropriated by suburban white kids—anything of Guy's own?
It gets worse:
"'It's ON — like Donkey Kong' or 'This is gonna be money' [are] ten times more interesting than Emeril and his 'booms,' one must admit."
It's BAM! You IDIOT! NOT "booms." Please fire yourself and save someone else the trouble.
Mann incorrectly claims Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives is "Food's top-rated show." I think you're missing the all-important "one of" before "Food's." DINERS is not the top-rated show on the network.
Mann claims Guy shot a new pilot, Guy Off the Hook, recently in front of a live audience. I do know that this in fact did get shot, but I don't trust anything else this writer claims.
Guy admits to having "a few magazine meetings lately."
P.S. to the Guy Lovers: This isn't about hating Guy; it's about hating bad writing. And bad fact checking. Ugh!