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Thursday, July 31

The Worst Food Network Article

THIS has to be the worst Food Network article I've seen in a long time. It almost makes me feel bad for the person it's written about, Guy Fieri.


The columnist, Bill Mann, starts off by referring to the "hip, bling-wearing" Guy Fieri as a "white Don King." Okay, I can kinda see that, although the "King" reference is long past relevant. It's like doing a Ronald Reagan impression.

The article claims Guy's career is "catching fire" (obligatory food/cooking pun that I hate) and compares Guy's career trajectory to that of Rachael Ray's, only he won't be "one-tenth as obnoxious," according to Mann.

Okay, so let me get this straight: the hip, bling-wearing, white Don King is less obnoxious than Rachael Ray?

Mann finds Guy "quite charming" after speaking to him on the phone, even claiming that Fieri's trademark white-blond spikes of hair "could cause severe tire damage." (Please pause the tape now if you're reading this blog via audio cassette and need to hold onto your sides to calm your fits of laughter. Turn the page after you hear the chime.)

It gets even more painful when he brings up Guy's show, Guy's Big Bite:
"Bite has to be about the coolest food show in TV history. Fieri's just being his own hip-hop self when he says things like 'This is gonna be da bomb' as he puts a chicken in the oven. (An oven which, in Guytalk, is 'kicked up.')"

His "own hip-hop self," you say? How is "da bomb"—a phrase long ago appropriated by suburban white kids—anything of Guy's own?

It gets worse:
"'It's ON — like Donkey Kong' or 'This is gonna be money' [are] ten times more interesting than Emeril and his 'booms,' one must admit."

It's BAM! You IDIOT! NOT "booms." Please fire yourself and save someone else the trouble.

Other tidbits:
Mann incorrectly claims Diners, Drive-Ins & Dives is "Food's top-rated show." I think you're missing the all-important "one of" before "Food's." DINERS is not the top-rated show on the network.

Mann claims Guy shot a new pilot, Guy Off the Hook, recently in front of a live audience. I do know that this in fact did get shot, but I don't trust anything else this writer claims.

Guy admits to having "a few magazine meetings lately."


P.S. to the Guy Lovers: This isn't about hating Guy; it's about hating bad writing. And bad fact checking. Ugh!

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At 7/31/2008 4:49 PM , Anonymous Alec Smart said...

Sure this guy isn't Fieri's (aka Fee'eddy, Ferry, Fee'Useless) press agent ?

Hip hop self ? The brothers are probably laughing pretty hard right now too .

At 7/31/2008 5:19 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What are FN's top-rated shows? Is there a list somewhere?

At 7/31/2008 5:24 PM , Anonymous PicBuddy said...

Whenever you have a man named Mann writing about a car guy named guy and a fiery chick named Ray, you got some word association problems on your hands from the get go, guy.

At 7/31/2008 5:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Note that in his byline, it's noted that his column runs once every other week. I think we see why.

At 7/31/2008 6:37 PM , Blogger Jersey RV said...

I don't get it! Why has Mr. FeeEddy risen at all on TFN. He does not cook anything.... really. And why was he so involved with TNFNS anyway. He was sitting next to Flay alot... what was that about. Kinda like two opposites here. He' just an on-air personality, like the TV weatherman. But I don't mean to slam weatherman, they're still better than Eddy.

He must have a 5 year contract with FN, a great agent or he's really got someone in management blackmailed. Why else would he still be here.

Go away Mr. FeeEddy!

At 7/31/2008 6:59 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i will admit, IF I was of the mind to have the kind of career Guy has, I would be peeing my pants with JOY I was getting paid probably a lot (to me) of money to do it.....(what he does)....
i think guy is pretty much an either ya love him or hate him kinda guy??
whatever.....most of these bozo's on FN are raking in the dough and benefiting from the exposure and I think there may be a lot of sour grapes going on around it......

or not.

At 7/31/2008 7:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Emeril's "booms?" This person should NOT be writing about food at all. And Fieri "hip-hop" with lots of "bling?" OMG, someone fire this person NOW.

At 7/31/2008 8:13 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are so funny with "please fire yourself and save someone else the trouble". I am lol.

At 7/31/2008 8:21 PM , Blogger Bryan said...

Its Doof on Doof!

At 8/01/2008 1:02 AM , Blogger My Version of the Truth said...

just wondering... what is the Food Network's top rated show?

At 8/01/2008 8:31 AM , Blogger Liana said...

we call guy "poochie" in our house. thanks, bourdain!

At 8/01/2008 8:59 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

That article was *money*!!! Blah!

At 8/01/2008 9:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I caught the last bit of his show yesterday and I'm sure he said "there we go" at least 10 times in one minute. I just don't see how he has risen so fast. He is gross to watch on DDD, stuffing food in his mouth. Not someone I would want coming up to my table. It's high time he realizes he is 40(?) years old.

At 8/01/2008 10:10 AM , Blogger jacob said...

"What are FN's top-rated shows? Is there a list somewhere?"

I don't think you can access the raw Nielsen data... probably have to subscribe. So a good bet is to just check out trade mags online like Variety and see what they write about cable. Food Network doesn't always make it into these articles, though. A "top-rated' daytime show on Food Network might only get 500,000 viewers... which is considered low for other cable networks.

There are so many variables they look at, too, so there isn't really just one list, I'd imagine. They're looking at daytime vs. primetime, men vs. women, average age, 18-49 males, 18-49 total, etc.

I've read that "Diners" is "one of" the net's top-rated programs, but I don't think it reguarly comes even close to the 4 million who watched NFNS recently.

At 8/01/2008 1:53 PM , Anonymous Christel said...

LOL I totally cried with laughter:

"It gets worse:
"'It's ON — like Donkey Kong' or 'This is gonna be money' [are] ten times more interesting than Emeril and his 'booms,' one must admit."

It's BAM! You IDIOT! NOT "booms." Please fire yourself and save someone else the trouble."

Well said fellow addict

At 8/01/2008 2:28 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

What don't you get. You don't need to cook anything to be on FN. Maybe at one time but with all the travel shows etc cooking has taken a back seat. BTW I like Guy. Even if he is 40 going on 10.

At 8/01/2008 3:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Sonic the Hedgehog and the Stay Puft Marshmellow bumped uglies, the love child would look like Guy. I'm not sure what FN sees in him, unless they just like cliche machines. D3 is pretty good, but not because of him really.


At 8/01/2008 3:14 PM , Anonymous Katie said...

"It's BAM! You IDIOT! NOT "booms." Please fire yourself and save someone else the trouble."

That statement was absolutely hilarious. I literally snorted I was laughing so hard! HA!

Love your blog--keep it up!

At 8/01/2008 5:09 PM , Blogger Alejandro said...

I agree with the last anonymous above. I like D3, but not because of Guy. He's exhausting with his own type of "Rachaelims", e.g. "That's money." "That's in it to win it." "Winner, winner, chicken dinner." ARGH!

His appearance on TNFNS was not a good thing, IMHO. He wasn't encouraging to either Lisa or Adam, and what happened to his "explosive persona" that some people seem to like on his two shows? Was he intimidated by others who might give him a run for his "money" as NFNS graduate?

His good ol' boy image has grown tiresome. And while I said like 3D, I do get tired of watching him shove food in his mouth. Of course, to each his/her own.

At 8/01/2008 6:55 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a middle-aged white female, and I like Guy. He does cook on his show, including some interesting ethnic dishes.

Good for him! I applaud his success.

At 8/01/2008 9:49 PM , Blogger Lord of Light AZ said...

I was just watching Emeril Green and he did the wind up for a "BAM" and just didn't do it LOL.

Hey I'm 50 and really work hard at trying to act at least 17. I just never had a chance to say "Winner Winner Chicken Dinner".

Sadly, when Guy was here I missed him, and 2 of the segements were less than 5 miles from my front door.

At 8/01/2008 11:30 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

D3 succeeds because of the formula not the host. If it was the latter, his cooking show - the name of which I can't even think of right now - would be as successful, but it seems to barely air at all. Whether one likes Rachael Ray or not, there can be no doubt that she got her other shows because her first one was so successful. Not the same in Guy's case. Regarding the magazine bit, magazine circulation is way down in general, and starting a new successful magazine is a very risky endeavor with little statistical chance at success. Even if Guy really is hosting the network's top rated show, I seriously doubt his ratings, in comparison to ratings of folks on numerous other channels, would be impressive enough to lead to a successful publishing endeavor, save perhaps a one-off paper version of D3.

At 8/03/2008 4:01 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Love Guy. Really good food and I "like" watching him

At 8/03/2008 9:55 PM , Blogger John said...

His "own hip-hop self," you say?

That is EXACTLY what went through my mind after I read that!

At 8/04/2008 4:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guy is just a personality. For me, he does nothing...but I guess I am not the target audience. I never thought i would see the day when a top FN show was all about the food in Diners, Drive-ins and Dives!!!!!!!! Aughhhhhhhhh!

At 8/05/2008 1:40 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes Guy did shoot "Guy off the HooK"-I know, I was there!!!
He is so down to earth it almost made me want to start cooking!!!!
I hope they go with this show!!!!

At 8/06/2008 8:09 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Really like Guy. He get's into some tasty, crowd pleasing dishes on his show.
On Diners, Drive In's and Dives. These's are simply
great joints. You'd want to stop in on them and he let's us know where to find them.
We can eat healthy the rest of the time, but on a road trip I appreciate his info

At 9/19/2008 9:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Guy may be responsible for me watching FN significantly less than I used to. I think he is on there because he is what a middle aged un-hip network executive thinks a hip youngster is like.

Any and all hip youngsters I know think he is a douche.


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